My personal unraveling was a catalyst for redefining how I lead | The CEO Magazine

I always said I wanted to be supporting a leader, never the leader. It was safer.

Any time the question came up, “Where do you see your career going?” there was an unarticulated limit to what I would envisage for myself. I knew I was most comfortable with the second seat because it would mean I’d still have one person at the top to direct, validate and give permission for my actions.

Like some of the most successful professionals, I’d built my career on reading what was expected of me and delivering on it. Please the boss and the executives around the table. I wasn’t a pushover. Anticipating needs, serving against them and knocking it out in execution was a pattern that had started when I was young. It was my superpower.

Like many high-achieving leaders I was leading from external motivation. I had conditioned myself to always seek approval from others. And my history of success in my career was ‘proof’ that this was serving me well. But only on the outside.

An internal challenge

Research has shown that more than 50 percent of executives report that their primary leadership challenge isn’t strategic, it’s internal. The internal impact of being driven by outside approval was an inability to take big risks. I deferred decisions to others, even when it came to my own path. In collaboration, I was a consensus-seeker, holding back ideas that might disturb others too much.

But then I reached a point where in my life when all of a sudden my work didn’t feel right anymore. I loved the work itself, but I felt like something was missing. I could feel myself stuck in place. I felt contained.

It wasn’t just work. After spending a long time observing the patterns that were the foundation of how I lived in the world, the knot came loose. I saw the consistency of the pattern of being led from everyone else’s needs and expectations. This time of observation, seeing my story from the outside in, helped me see I lacked any sense of internal motivation.

Seeing how pervasive this pattern was across my life and where it came from led to my unraveling. It was both a personal existential crisis and emotional breakdown. And it was the catalyst for transforming who I was as a leader.

After fully breaking down, I had to pull myself back together to carry on with life. I did that with a new sense of intention for who I wanted to be. I sought to understand the meaning in everything I did and so I got clear on my purpose.

This didn’t require an overhaul of the work I did to find more meaning in it. I just needed to get clear that there was meaning in it, that my work meant something to me and to others.

Putting purpose at the center

Articulating my purpose was what allowed me to shift from seeking external permission to being driven by my own internal, self-guided compass. My purpose became the compass.

It became my rallying cry. When fear set in over new steps and progressions, I would remind myself what they were in service to. Taking new risks, trying out new ideas, experimentation with new possibilities – they were all in service to something bigger than my own discomfort.

Purpose also became my litmus test and validation when making strategic decisions about my business and investments.

With clear intentions woven into the fabric of my everyday work, I related to my clients and teams differently. I felt the freedom to show up more authentically, because I had a clearer sense of who I was and what I stood for. As I learned to be more direct, honest and compassionate for myself, I had the skills and foundation to do the same for others.

Here’s the thing about leading from a place of purpose and authenticity. When you show up for others with realness and share who you are with honesty, you give permission for others to do the same.

Harvard professor Jeff Polzer identified this as a Vulnerability Loop. When Person A shares with open honesty and vulnerability, Person B receives the signal and in turn, understands it’s safe for them to do the same. Between the two people a space of trust and a sense of belonging are created.

Imagine how teams can change if everyone felt a sense of belonging and safety that allowed them to more fully show up as themselves and explore their own intentions more openly.

Discovering your story

According to Gallup, organizations with strong organizational culture experienced increased employee engagement, 25 percent growth in workforce over a three-year period and 85 percent net profit increase over a five-year period. But the reality is that most employees don’t feel meaningfully connected to their organizations.

So while you’re creating more meaning in your work, you’re making where you work more meaningful for everyone else, too. And that shows up meaningfully for your business. The messy work of unraveling and reweaving yourself with more purpose and intention is not just a personal growth win, it’s the catalyst to transforming how you show up as a leader.

It all starts with clear intention. Purpose.

The first step to uncovering your purpose is to consider your story at its core. What drives and motivates you at a personal and professional level every day? What is the throughline you can find stitching all of your most fulfilling experiences together?

What would make your work matter more, and what are you waiting for to get it?

Opinions expressed by The CEO Magazine contributors are their own.