Have you ever felt as if the world is closing in – that the wide-open road called ‘life’ is becoming a narrow dirt road, with no markings or shoulders … and rockslides looming?

A lot of executives call that everyday life. They’ve had their eye on the corner office for so long that all they can see is the professional goal in front of them. Career trajectory has become their self-identity.

That was me until two months ago. Earning six figures as an executive at a lobbying firm, I was on top of the professional world. I had worked my way up through the competitive Capitol Hill environment, earned a prestigious master’s degree and was still able to find a great husband and have three wonderful kids.

With my self-identity 20 years out of date, I subconsciously accepted more anxiety, less time with family and a brutal commute as the norm, because I still had my eyes on the professional horizon, even as my life road was changing.

But since switching to a role and company that offers me less pay but more family time, I can see how the new road I’m on offers me a new corner office. It may not have a big window, but the clear view of my kids playing on the trampoline gives me a lot more joy than the rush-hour traffic and stale conference rooms that used to be my stomping grounds.

Life has GPS – Note the Exit Ramps

Capitol Hill and corporate America are both pressure-cooker environments, where you are encouraged and expected to work long hours to achieve long-term professional goals. I jumped into it with both feet, and I’ve seen dozens of friends and colleagues do the same. For many of us, it was a badge of honor to work so much. It meant we were needed. It meant we were important.

But we’re getting older now, and the bills are coming due – in a currency our big paychecks won’t cover. An old mentor of mine developed ulcers at the age of 40, in no small part due to the crushing hours and constant juggling of client demands.

Another went through a heartbreaking divorce with a small child involved. “There just wasn’t enough of us at home to go around,” he told me. “The family fell apart.”

Capitol Hill and corporate America are both pressure-cooker environments, where you are encouraged and expected to work long hours to achieve long-term professional goals.

He and his wife are incredibly accomplished people who both want the best for each other and their daughter, but they couldn’t see an exit ramp in time to save their relationship.

Some of my fellow type As will find a way to break through the grind and stay on top, of course. Look at Sara Blakely, Founder of Spanx, self-made billionaire and mother of four children. Even as she sits atop the business world, she prioritizes her children by regularly leaving the office between 4pm and 6pm to pick them up from school.

Or Arizona Senator, Kyrsten Sinema, whose famously bipartisan approach to national politics makes her one of Washington, DC’s most high-profile politicians, prioritizes her physical and mental health with a daily triathlon training ‘reset’, even when traveling hundreds of kilometers a day on the campaign trail.

Everyone’s road of life is a little different. But the best roads are the ones that have regular exit and on-ramps so you can right-size yourself in the cadence of life.

Who Are You?

First comes knowing yourself. Millennials (like me) want to find mission and purpose in our work, but we also have to pay the bills, which can mean blurring the lines between our passions and what we do for a living. That’s necessary sometimes, because everyone has busy times of the year, or especially challenging roles, but we shouldn’t let those demands become a disproportionate part of our identity.

Right-sizing our self-perceptions can help us stay between the guardrails of life so we don’t forget our value as a friend, parent, spouse, volunteer or CrossFit nut. And best of all, we might even reach our destinations faster because we’ll be rested, ready and more productive.

Right-sizing our self-perceptions can help us stay between the guardrails of life so we don’t forget our value as a friend, parent, spouse, volunteer or CrossFit nut.

Then you can move on to higher things – and yes, I’m talking about spirituality. I am a committed Catholic and when I am doing it right, I find comfort in knowing that an omniscient higher power has a purpose for my life that I couldn’t come up with if I tried.

That understanding can put life’s challenges – bad feedback at work, broken dishwasher, argument with a spouse – into perspective. You don’t have to be a Christian to tap into this, you just need to find meaning in your life that gives both perspective in the moment and a road map for how life as a whole fits together.

Who is With You?

If you have kids, then you know the feeling when yet another SignUp Genius or fundraiser flyer pops into your inbox. Holiday parties, pageants, service projects… it gets overwhelming. One day about two years ago, my son’s third grade class had a party, and parents were asked to bring in a number of items.

My usual modus operandi was to sign up immediately, lest my son be deprived of the napkins or gluten-free cupcakes I might have chosen. But this time, I decided to wait 48 hours. When I logged back in, every single request had been filled.

That’s not to say I never sign up for these things anymore, but I don’t put pressure on myself to fill every request. That leaves more time, and more mental and emotional space, to devote to my kids.

Before you choose someone to partner and have children with, be on the same page about supporting each other’s goals and priorities.

And not just to my kids, but to my husband, too. It’s easy to drive next to your spouse instead of in the same car, waving hello and talking on the cell phone, but never being a true team, looking at the same map at the same time, trading off who’s driving and navigating.

Sheryl Sandberg once said that your choice of spouse is the single most important career decision you will make, and I am with Sheryl on this one. Before you choose someone to partner and have children with, be on the same page about supporting each other’s goals and priorities.

At times, that’s meant I’m the family breadwinner while my husband does half-day preschool pickups. At other times, it meant I balanced grad school with infant care while my husband traveled internationally in search of bacon to bring home.

At most times, it means we have to be intentional about carving out ‘me time’ and ‘us time’ – but you’re at an advantage when you’re working together, centering what matters most for both of you.

You Can Have it All, but Maybe Not All at Once

Recently, a working mother, whom I respect deeply, said to me: “Changing jobs is just a choice. If that choice doesn’t work out, you can make a different one.”

When your career is intense and all-consuming, the idea of stepping back may feel as though you’re jumping out of a moving car: once it’s gone, it’s gone, and you have the injuries to remind you what you’re missing.

But I dispute that. Think of these decisions more like an exit ramp to the rest stop: stretch your legs, fill your tank and get back on the road when you’re ready. Or take a surprise stop to show the kids one of your bucket list mountain views.

If you want to work at a high speed, do it. But remember, this is a road trip we’re talking about, not a Formula One race.

My own career – with stops for caring for three kids, getting a master’s degree and now changing from Capitol Hill-centric policy work to public affairs – suggests as much. If it can financially work for you to take on a different role, consider it. Don’t be afraid that if you get off the merry-go-round, you’ll have to watch from the sidelines forever.

Like me, you might have been conditioned from your youth to mash the pedal, going straight at your goals and challenges. Or, conversely, to follow GPS on cruise control, allowing someone or something else to guide where you go. But the right-sized life is one where there are times to be the one stepping on the accelerator and times to let someone else drive.

Executives have more options than ever in the post-pandemic world. If you want to work at a high speed, do it. But remember, this is a road trip we’re talking about, not a Formula One race, and most of us will refuel a lot better with a rest stop than with a pit crew.

Maybe that’s a chance to fuel up and get back on the highway – or maybe you’ll discover that you like the scenery on your exit so much that you want to stick to local roads for a while. Both can work, provided you know who you are just as well as where you’re going.